I love a conservative with a sense of humor. They are hard to find, generally. Dennis Miller gets off a few zingers now and then and Ann Coulter runs her tongue through a pencil sharpener every morning to maintain her stinging commentary. She draws many liberals to her speaking engagements, and they shower her with gifts of pies, eggs and tomatos.
Supreme Supreme John Roberts will probably be asking Ann for advice on defensive strategy, since he will no doubt be greeted with the same kind of love and affection when he ventures out into the public realm. The only difference is the throwing will be done by conservatives who didn’t get his joke. After patiently waiting for months for The Big Chief to deliver the punchline to the question, “What happens when Obama, Pelosi and Reed walk into a bar exam?”, the audience was shocked. His answer made no sense to them, and for days afterward, critics tried to unravel his twisted logic. Some argued that it was just too intellectual for the average person to understand, while others speculated that Roberts was the victim of temporary brain-freeze brought on by his rumored epilepsy.
The butt of the Top Law-dog’s ruling turned out to be Mitt Romney, who received the news like a kick in his gold-plated nuts. Obamacare is legal, as long as you call it a tax instead of a penalty, and will now become the defining issue of Electopocalypse 2012. In media libraries from Massachusetts to Washington, old footage of then-governor Romney denying that his healthcare initiative was a tax was dusted off and placed on a running loop that will play non-stop from now until November. Mitt will be forced to backtrack on every nice thing he ever said about universal coverage while Democrats point fingers and say I told you so.
Conservatives can only hope that the economy tanks and everyone forgets about the Chief Justice’s flub. As Steve Martin once noted, “Comedy is not pretty.”
Update 7/1/12 - There are no doubt some conservatives who fail to see how Obama can win in my scenario. Here’s how I see the match-up…
First, Obama has the advantage of incumbancy, with all the bully pulpit pandering he can wield. Remember that Clinton was wildly unpopular in ’96 after the meltdown of Hillarycare. The argument that Obama’s pet prescription for healthcare was a failure has been removed by the Roberts decision. The Republicans have nominated another weak candidate (like ’96) who has failed to inspire the party. I’ll admit that Perot helped Clinton by siphoning off 5%, but it’s questionable that Dole would have won in any case.
Second, the economy is slowly starting to improve. Gas prices are finally going down. Jobs are picking up, albeit slowly. As I noted above, any downward slide could change the numbers in a heartbeat.
Third, people are generally satisfied with the administration’s foreign policy. There have been no terrorist attacks on U.S. soil. Bin Laden is dead, no messy trial to deal with. Drones roam the planet killing bad guys at will. The war in Iraq is over and Afghanistan is relatively quiet. Once again, events could change all that.
At this point in the campaign, Obama can still win enough big blue states to pull off another four years. Congress is a different story. The GOP will most likely keep the House and take the Senate, and we will see at least two more years of gridlock. Whoopee.