Drawing The Prophet

Yes, I know this is a touchy subject. These things tend to go viral, and I am opening myself up to endless protests by cartoon-burning mobs of the faithful, but there are some lines that must be crossed. There will be a price on my head, no doubt. I may have to go underground, continuing my crusade against he-who-must-not-be-named by candle light in some mineshaft out in the hinterlands. But do not despair, my friends, it is the path I have willingly chosen, because someone must stand up to the lies and smears of the most exalted expert on every subject imaginable.

It all began a few days ago, when His Perfectness began his fatwa on line, demanding the head of a fellow blogger who dared to speak heresy in the local newspaper. The paper was chided for daring to allow this Great Satan to freely express his despicable opinion, as it conflicts with The Chosen One’s skewed world view where only milquetoast opposition is fit to see print. Oh! The horror!

And He has made it clear that it is the ranting of the Great Satan that is holding the community hostage, that visitors to our paradise see these forbidden words and run for the safety of the coast. If only we could purge this ungodly vermin from the public forum, a new age of cooperation and harmony would grace the foothills and businesses would flock to our empty storefronts with green jobs and scented candles.

Now it should be noted that your’s truly does not always agree with the opinions of the blogger in question, and I have taken him to task for his slanted views on numerous occasions. But I am not afraid of him or his red-shirted allies, and in fact I have broken bread with them and walked away unscathed. Nay, I am more afraid of those who would muzzle free speech in their quest for perfection and a dull sameness of limp opposition.

Perhaps it was the bullying nature of His Greatness that lead to his fall from grace at our local fishwrap. There were certainly stories of his abrupt and demanding manner from various members of the public. And now that there is new leadership at the paper, it was inevitable that The Deposed One would immediately start telling him how to run his business. Such wisdom cannot be contained.

And so I offer my muted image of His Holiness to stand up for the freedom to speak and be heard. If I should disappear or have an unfortunate “accident”, you know who should get the credit. I hope they put a huge price on my head. I don’t work cheap.

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80 Responses to Drawing The Prophet

  1. Steve Frisch says:

    gasoline meet fire

    i may have to get a black sweatshirt with an exclamation point in solidarity

  2. Todd Juvinall says:

    Allah Akbar. Good luck

  3. Steve Frisch says:

    Todd are you going to get a sweatshirt with a colon on it? Oh, you already have one I see!

  4. Michael Anderson says:

    I am very pleased to see that the comedy has already started. Everyone takes each other too damn seriously on these blogs. But as Steve F. noted over at Rebane’s earlier this morning, it could be the nature of the beast. Too bad. There are many good words that come from these blogs, and as a result a useful structure to examine our shared issues and problems. But nuance often gets lost.

    Maybe we’ll get it right someday. But yeah, “gas meet fire.” I’ll step back for a bit until I comment again. Have fun y’all.

    • rlcrabb says:

      Agreed, Michael. You have to wonder why His Unyielding Magnificence chooses to keep beating the dead horse. He has been offered equal time to counter said blogger on the radio, but chooses to hide out and throw bombs from the sidelines. I would venture to guess that, now that his nemesis at the paper is gone, he might be able to offer his own competing views on the opinion page. It is he that continues to burn his bridges.

    • Todd Juvinall says:

      MA, why is it you have a lot of opinions about those on the right and then tell us you will bow out of this? Are you telling us you support the “great one” and his positions? Apparently. Why he would move here and thrash everyone (except his like minded minority buds) is beyond me. But having had to deal with crappy news people like him I think it is in their genes and I do mean Levi’s.

      • Michael Anderson says:

        I didn’t say I’d bow out, I said I’d let some comments roll through for a bit to see what others had to say. I’ll be back. In the meantime, here’s a joke for you:

        “In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by TSA and some people are calling him a hero. I don’t mind being patted down by airport security, but I don’t like it when the guy says, ‘Now you do me.'”

        • Steve Frisch says:

          In spite of all the hubbub, I have heard that security at the airports has been surprisingly smooth. Oddly enough, ‘surprisingly smooth’ is what TSA agents have remarked after patting Mr. Juvinall down.

          • Todd Juvinall says:

            No pat downs just X-rays so the lady staff members swoon from a distance. I heard some liberals are less than smooth almost inverted? You?

          • Steve Frisch says:

            This could be a good joke thread……and well yes. some liberals are inverted; we welcome them into our midst, give them equal rights and equal pay, refuse to invade their privacy, and in exchange we receive intellectual companionship, love, affection and occasionally gratification….you might try thinking of women that way some time and you would be relieved of having to defend the size of your….ego.

        • Todd Juvinall says:

          As Peter Graves asked the youngster in “Airplane”, “you like gladiator movies”? Well, do you SF? BTW, women and I get along great, I am not a sissy like some lib fellows here and the girls love me for being a real man. LOL!

          Also, you lost the point in my inverted comment.

          • rl crabb says:

            Put away your lightsabres, fellas. You’ll scare the children.

          • Steve Frisch says:

            No….I didn’t….Todd….but then I would not consider being a woman an insult…..but the light sabers are down….

          • Michael Anderson says:

            I would like to note for the record, that for some reason when Peter Graves asked the young boy if he liked gladiator movies, it stuck in TJ’s brain enough that he would recount that experience here.

            This does not sound like the writings of a man who would make the TSA ladies “swoon,” as he so often implies.

            More like a bad “Glee” script that never got past the first reading by the office staff. Find a locker buddy Todd, you guys can work it out together I’m sure.

          • Todd Juvinall says:

            Since you are apparently a humorless person MA, I can understand why you don’t understand. Sheesh! Or maybe you do and have a thing for gladiator movies? Regadless, the TSA has me on a watch list in the ladies smoking room. LOL!

    • rlcrabb says:

      Sad news indeed. I’ve always had a lot of respect for Jon. I hope it turns out to be a ghastly mistake.

      • Todd Juvinall says:

        The DRE has been after a whole lot of people in the business. When the investors were raking it in at 12& they were happy as clams but when the crash occurred all that came to a screeching halt and they got really PO’d. I actually saw and shared a cocktail st Friar’s last Friday with Jon. This sucks.

    • Steve Frisch says:

      Yeah, this is not a good thing. I wish Jon well.

  5. Don Baumgart says:

    The ERC seems to be very like those unsuccessful ancient attempts – using wax and feathers – to make man fly. True or not, Blinder’s predicament will not give the agency any lift. Just the opposite.

  6. I have to quit reading your blog early. I laughed so hard I woke my wife and almost spilled coffee all over the bed.

  7. Portraying the Prophet as FAT demands a FATWAH!

  8. Steve Frisch says:

    The Prophet walks into a bar…….

  9. I’ll bite, SteveF’s suggestion of an umlaut for me is noted with appreciation.

  10. Steve Frisch says:

    I do think that perhaps a humor thread could draw us all a little closer together.

  11. rl crabb says:

    Just another example of how dangerous we scribblers are. (Be sure to follow the link to the offensive cartoons.)
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/09/21/the-sedition-files-how-an-indian-cartoonist-becomes-a-criminal.html

  12. Barry Pruett says:

    My nephew’s favorite joke:

    A few minutes before the services started, the church people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil one.

    Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, unconcerned to the fact that mankind’s enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, your Satan.” “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked. “No, sure ain’t” said the man. “Don’t you realize what I can do to you?” asked Satan. “I know what you can do to me,” replied the old man. “And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan. “Nope.”

    A little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?” The man calmly replied, “Well, I’ve been married to your sister for over 48 years.”

  13. Barry Pruett says:

    BTW Crabbman…tread lightly my good man. “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.”

  14. Michael Anderson says:

    It appears Barry P. has the Henny Youngman gene. Who knew?

  15. Steve Frisch says:

    Joke thread…joke thread…

    A priest a rabbi and a mullah walk into a bar……the existential bartender looks up and says, “Please leave now, God Is Dead”

  16. Steve Frisch says:

    Barry may also like this one:

    A communist died and since he was an atheist was sent on alternate years to heaven and hell. After his first year in hell God came to collect him and satan said, “Get this jerk out of here, he is turning all my demons into Young Pioneers.” The next year Satan went to collect him and said to God, “I guess its my turn again, God”. God said, “That’s Comrade God to you you running dog”.

  17. Barry Pruett says:

    In all seriousness, does anyone know what caused Jeff P. to go on his jihad against local bloggers this week? In general, the tone and tenor locally had been pretty good until this week.

    • Tony Waters says:

      Barry,
      It was the placement of George’s column under the masthead at The Union that set off the most recent mud fest.

      I agree with Jeff that it was poor placement, and I still wonder why The Union has not cultivated another columnist to run opposite George. But I figure at the end of the day, this is The Union’s prerogative. There are plenty of other outlets, particularly in the blogosphere, for alternative viewpoints. Again, this is something that I agree with Jeff on–their are many sources of news.

      Having said that, your advice that it is sometimes good to “tread lightly” is sound–free speech flourishes both in both its vigor, and our personal capacities to exercise self-restraint. This is what I see most of the time on these blogs.

      • Barry Pruett says:

        Tony: I know that you are decidedly out of town, but George’s column was on the Opinion page and in the same location as Amy Goodman’s usual column. It has been like this for years. Why all of the sudden outrage from Jeff?

        It is just difficult to have constructive debate with the bomb-throwing. Jeff P. has been behaving no differently than Todd. Sorry Todd, but I am sure that you will agree.

        • Todd Juvinall says:

          I resemble that remark.

        • Tony Waters says:

          Barry, you are probably right about the relative placement of Amy Goodman’s column (I rarely read The paper copy of The Union while in NC–rather I read the online version).

          Still, this gets back to the discussion some weeks ago about what institutions are non-partisan, and which are not. I get it that the LWV is no longer credible as a non-partisan institution, and as I wrote before, I don’t think that the Tea Party is, either. Like Jeff, I would like to believe that The Union is non-partisan, but if it is, then the placement of George’s column is important. But apparently, this is not part of The Union’s business plan–which is their prerogative. Neither Jeff or I own The Union, which is why they are free to ignore us!

          It is great that their are partisans in the community of all stripes, but to moderate we also need institutions that are above the fray–after all in the end, we are all in this together (even Jeff, George, Ben, and Todd). The press often does this in many communities. If The Union doesn’t want to do this, I hope that other institutions will emerge. Maybe RL and Henry Hackett could put something together? Service clubs? Government classes at Sierra?

          • rl crabb says:

            Tony, it doesn’t matter whether the debates are sponsored by the League of Women voters, the Tea Party, or the Flying Spaghetti Coalition. The format is the same, the moderator does little more than introduce the press panel and the candidates. Since the questions come from the press (The Union, Yubanet, KNCO and KVMR) I don’t see the problem, other than the prejudices of the attendees.

            Pointing out technical glitches and spelling errors in The Union is just another batch of Jeff’s sour grapes, along with his whining about Rebane’s column. Maybe someday he’ll get over himself and I won’t have any material to lampoon him with.

          • Tony Waters says:

            Bob, I think you underestimate the skill it takes to be a good moderator. You have to both know when to shut up, and when to shut up someone else.

            A good moderator also wants to attract partisans from each side of a dispute. To do this they need to have the respect of people who are emotionally involved in different sides of an issue. And the reputation is of course based on past behavior. That way the person who is necessarily shut up by the otherwise quiet moderator can take two deep breaths, and then come back for more.

            Anyway, Barry has offered to take me to a Tea Party forum/event at some point, and I hope to take him up on it sometime. He may even one day come to visit me in that bastion of leftism, at Chico State.

    • Todd Juvinall says:

      Barry, it has to meds. LOL!

    • Greg Goodknight says:

      “In all seriousness, does anyone know what caused Jeff P. to go on his jihad against local bloggers this week?”

      Fear.

      • Todd Juvinall says:

        GregG, Pelline only has a handful of lib commenters and it appears his numbers visiting are even less than the blog of Gumby. You are right, he is in fear of a failure.

  18. TD Pittsford says:

    How funny that this forum began with a good old-fashioned “Journalism in Tennessee” style rant, then digressed into a veritable cacophony of totally irrelevant comments. Tha-th-th-that’s all folks.

  19. Judith Lowry says:

    Okay, one more.

    A lady had recently been given a talking parrot for her birthday. She was so delighted she invited her friends and family to come and meet her new pet. But as soon as a visitor arrived, the bird would say, “Hi there, my name is Polly, and I’ll do anything you want me to.” The bird would then recite a list of her erotic capabilities, causing a great deal of embarrassment to her owner. This went on for a while until a friend suggested that she take her bird to the local priest for some spiritual advice.
    When the lady arrived with her parrot at the priest’s office, Polly went into her act, reeling off her sexual talents and causing the lady and the priest to blush. Then the priest pointed to his two parakeets in a cage across the room, quietly praying while clutching their tiny rosary beads. The priest suggested that if Polly were to spend time with his pious parakeets, she might learn how to behave more properly.
    So Polly was placed in the cage with the parakeets and as usual, greeted them with, “Hi boys, I’m Polly, and I’ll do anything you want me to.” As she began to list off her many x-rated abilities in titillating detail, one parakeet looked up at her, nudged his partner and said,”Throw down your beads George, our prayers have been answered!”

  20. Department of Corrections:

    –Henny Youngman, the king of the one liners, would have never told a joke as long as Barry Pruett’s. For example:

    “Take my wife. Please.”

    “I want to thank management for my dressing room. A nail.”

    “The doctor tells his patient, ‘You’re fat, go on a diet’.”
    “I want a second opinion.”
    “Okay, you’re ugly too.”

    –The correct term is “capitalist running dogs,” a favorite of the Chinese Communists before they became capitalists.

  21. Great name for a dog walking service!

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