Rights of the Living Dead

Zombies are big business these days. I’ll bet George Romero never dreamed that his 1968 chump change budget movie Night of the Living Dead would literally spawn an entire industry devoted to the undead.

Indeed, he had some success with the sequels, Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, but how could he have foreseen Shaun of the Dead, Resident Evil (Now up to six movies), The Walking Dead (a TV series), Zombie Apocalypse, Land of the Living Dead, Flight of the Living Dead, and of course, remakes of Romero’s original trilogy with heavy metal soundtracks?

The Center for Disease Control tells you what you need to survive the coming zombie attack. They say it’s a joke. Right. Where the hell is Darrell Issa when you need an investigation? Maybe he’s in on it. I can see how he could profit from it… The Club, it’s not just for your car anymore…. We’ll need all the blunt objects we can find for smashing zombie noggin. (If that’s too much work, a .45 will do.) Is it any wonder why everyone is stocking up on ammo, aluminum baseball bats and freeze-dried Big Macs?

A common theme in the movies is the returning undead relative. When grampa shows up at your door and he’s hungry, do you have the right to lock him out or ventilate his cranium? Not if the pro-unlife nanny government has anything to say about it. Just google up “zombie rights” and you’ll see where this is heading. Pretty soon, you’ll have to show a death certificate to vote, and of course the undeceased will be wanting their back pay from social security and medicare benefits. The living, as usual, will get screwed.

But there is one consolation. Eventually, the zombies will rot away to nothing. Then we’ll need to do something about the flies.

 

 

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8 Responses to Rights of the Living Dead

  1. Don Baumgart says:

    Wall-to-wall zombie movies on the tube — but one gem stood out. On a series called Masters of Horror the bodies coming to life were all Iraq veterans…and they came back to vote! A beautiful thinly-veiled criticism: “I died for a lie!” over and over coming from the shuffling bodies. One easy-to-miss bit: One of the gravestones read Capt. G.A. Romero, for the creator of the first zombie flick.

    • Greg Goodknight says:

      Make sure you have the right ammo!

      “Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition is NOT a toy (IT IS LIVE AMMUNITION), but is intended only to be used on…ZOMBIES, also known as the living dead, undead, etc. No human being, plant, animal, vegetable or mineral should ever be shot with Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition. Again, we repeat, Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition is for use on ZOMBIES ONLY, and that’s not a nickname, phrase or cute way of referring to anybody, place or thing. When we say Zombies, we mean…ZOMBIES!”

      http://www.hornady.com/ammunition/zombiemax

  2. Greg Goodknight says:

    Only one candidate for president is fighting the zombie apocalypse head on!
    http://reason.com/blog/2012/09/25/gary-johnson-and-the-zombies-ii

    Unfortunately, it’s such a bloody lame video it probably hurt him more than it helped. If only they’d have managed a real budget and some half decent actors. Woody Harrelson would have been perfect …

  3. Tom Odachi says:

    Good one RL!
    As a newcomer to the undead genre (Greg, I admit to watching the entire Woody Harrelson move, “Zombieland”, and liking it!), then watching the first 2 seasons of the TV series, “The Walking Dead” on Netflix. I wonder if it’s just because I secretly like to bash or shoot things that need to be bashed or shot… Screw those Zombie Rights folks.
    Don, I’m going to look for that movie. It sounds entertaining.

  4. Brad Croul says:

    Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse and get in on this ground floor business opportunity. Buy my IPM (Integrated Pest Management certified) “Meat Bees in a Box”© . Now, for a limited time, buy 2 “Meat Bees in a Box”© and receive a free copy of my how-to manual, “Zombie Balls”, and learn how to add extra kick to your paintballs with my patented “Zomba Juice” flesh eating bacteria. Investor inquiries welcome.

    • Tom Odachi says:

      Brad, I like that! Count me in! Self preservation is obviously the #1 goal in the eventual dystopian-zombie world we will soon inherit… I momentarily strayed from that while I was considering creating a super hybrid soil, made with all the decaying zombie bodies, to grow some kick ass medical marijuana.

  5. Tom Odachi says:

    Readers might have already seen this article over on the Sac Bee:

    http://www.sacbee.com/2012/10/27/4942627/marines-police-prep-for-mock-zombie.html

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