Christmas Future

Christmas Future348Even Santa Claus isn’t immune to the changes we are experiencing in this bold new century. Competition is stiff, and increasingly mechanized. The thought of little helicopters coming down the chimney is unsettling, with their propellered peepers peering through my private property. The promise of free shipping will eliminate the need to leave out milk and cookies, removing the last human element from the Santa tradition.

Younger folks will get used to the new ways, but us old codgers were raised on sci-fi B-movies that showed the folly of trusting technology. Those Millennials won’t be laughing when the Google barge crawls out of San Francisco bay and starts unloading a drone army bent on vaporizing anything made out of meat.

You can’t even trust your money anymore. The generation that embraced the convenience of plastic now find themselves TARGETed by scammers and info-thieves. And I swear that Ben Franklin’s eyes on those new $100 techno-bills follow my every transaction. Even your pockets and purses won’t be safe. Remember to wear clean underwear.

There are still a few familiar holiday traditions, although there aren’t as many lavish light displays as in olden times. The energy watchdogs tell us it’s a sin to waste all that electricity, even with LED bulbs, and we are constantly derided for our outmoded attachment to the commercial aspects of Christmas. (Never mind that millions of people depend on that spending spree to pay their bills in January.)

Even Santa’s race has become an issue, but a guy who owns a herd of reindeer with teutonic names like Donner and Blitzen probably didn’t come from Africa or Asia, or even Australia. (Kangaroodolf?)

Despite the upgrades, I still enjoy the holidays. It’s a time to cherish family and friends, and hold on to the memory of those who have departed this physical plane over the course of the year. There will be new challenges ahead, but for the moment let us enjoy a bit of peace on earth.

In that spirit, I have placed Chris and Greg into permanent moderation. I’ve tried being nice about it, but neither party shows any inclination of relinquishing the last word in whatever disagreement they happen to be squabbling over at any given moment. They certainly have the right to free speech, just like the Duckboys, but I don’t have to sponsor it.  Consider it my gift to civility.

Merry Christmas.

 

 

 

 

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18 Responses to Christmas Future

  1. stevefrisch says:

    I love the “Santaco” sleigh!

    Seems like the question of the role of technology in peoples lives will never leave us. I just received pears from Texas courtesy of my sister in Phoenix via a van from Nevada by a harried relief driver on loan from Utah. A robot helicopter could only be more efficient!

    Here is to the ghost of Christmas traditions past, present and future, and to Aristotle’s Doctrine of the Mean delivering all things in ‘moderation’.

    • Ryan Mount says:

      That’s the post-modern problem: one person’s mean is another person’s evil. Or virtue. Freedom Fighter or Terrorist? Both? Neither? What if that Freedom Fighter is a drone dropping a bomb accidentally on a wedding?

      Amazon drones with fruit from Texas via your sister in Phoenix? As long as they don’t drop through the roof onto the head of an unsuspecting victim? I think we’re good.

      • stevefrisch says:

        All I know is that I am going to poach them in a good Kabinett with a little pepper….

        • Ryan Mount says:

          I have a few friends who received this DJI Phantom drone for Christmas. It’s $1200.00.

          All I think about it is it flying to 500ft and then tumbling to the ground after being attacked by nesting birds. $1200.00 of ground rubble.

          Heck, and knowing my impatience with everything (I yell at the toaster when it doesn’t toast properly), that would have all of the makings of a Youtube Stephen (no relation to Mr. Frisch) meltdown:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUIjsWtIjqo

          • stevefrisch says:

            Heck at 16 I would have had the primer out in about 20 minutes, put a Mexican blanket over the seat in a day, would have installed a kick ass stereo in less than a week, and would have been cruising in style with a hippie chick in a month.

            Merry Christmas!

      • Terry Pittsford says:

        …and speaking of pears: I recently spent a few days (6 actually) as a guest of the VA hospital in Reno. On my dinner tray one evening was a fruit cup with the “DOLE” label on it. On the side of my portion of pears in heavy syrup were the words, “Pears grown in China. Processed in Thailand.” Domestic fruit would be welcome, delivered by drone (REALLY, Bezos?) or not.

  2. Aside from the continued good health of my family and friends, I’m thankful for the razor-sharp wit of one RL Crabb, and the chuckles he produces on an almost daily basis.

  3. Ryan Mount says:

    “…when the Google barge crawls out of San Francisco bay and starts unloading a drone army bent on vaporizing anything made out of meat.”

    Brilliant.

  4. Steve Enos says:

    … all powered by Bitcoins!

  5. Michael Anderson says:

    All I know is that there is no Great Divide when it comes to free shipping.

  6. Judith Lowry says:

    Grandma got run over by a . . . drone!?!?

  7. Signs of the times indeed. Merry Christmas Bob!

  8. Ben Emery says:

    Bob,
    My brother made a good sarcastic point about the skin color of Santa (debate?).

    A foreign single individual who spies on everybody determining by their own judgement whether they were good or not while keeping captive a minority group who work 365 days a year in a region of the planet that they did not originate from, Santa is white.

    Have a good Christmas and try to keep us laughing. We need it.

  9. Todd Juvinall says:

    Merry Christmas!

  10. Douglas Keachie says:

    The Grinch has landed in Orlando., You cannot feed more than 25 homeless without breaking the law: http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Justice/2011/0412/Orlando-can-restrict-feeding-the-homeless-rules-11th-Circuit So, boycott, and Disney World too.

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