Even Santa Claus isn’t immune to the changes we are experiencing in this bold new century. Competition is stiff, and increasingly mechanized. The thought of little helicopters coming down the chimney is unsettling, with their propellered peepers peering through my private property. The promise of free shipping will eliminate the need to leave out milk and cookies, removing the last human element from the Santa tradition.
Younger folks will get used to the new ways, but us old codgers were raised on sci-fi B-movies that showed the folly of trusting technology. Those Millennials won’t be laughing when the Google barge crawls out of San Francisco bay and starts unloading a drone army bent on vaporizing anything made out of meat.
You can’t even trust your money anymore. The generation that embraced the convenience of plastic now find themselves TARGETed by scammers and info-thieves. And I swear that Ben Franklin’s eyes on those new $100 techno-bills follow my every transaction. Even your pockets and purses won’t be safe. Remember to wear clean underwear.
There are still a few familiar holiday traditions, although there aren’t as many lavish light displays as in olden times. The energy watchdogs tell us it’s a sin to waste all that electricity, even with LED bulbs, and we are constantly derided for our outmoded attachment to the commercial aspects of Christmas. (Never mind that millions of people depend on that spending spree to pay their bills in January.)
Even Santa’s race has become an issue, but a guy who owns a herd of reindeer with teutonic names like Donner and Blitzen probably didn’t come from Africa or Asia, or even Australia. (Kangaroodolf?)
Despite the upgrades, I still enjoy the holidays. It’s a time to cherish family and friends, and hold on to the memory of those who have departed this physical plane over the course of the year. There will be new challenges ahead, but for the moment let us enjoy a bit of peace on earth.
In that spirit, I have placed Chris and Greg into permanent moderation. I’ve tried being nice about it, but neither party shows any inclination of relinquishing the last word in whatever disagreement they happen to be squabbling over at any given moment. They certainly have the right to free speech, just like the Duckboys, but I don’t have to sponsor it. Consider it my gift to civility.