The Monday Muse

It’s Monday already? The time seems to fly when there’s so much going on in the world. Let’s take a look at some of the highlights…

Life of Gi: San Francisco put on a textbook performance on how to win a World Series. The Tiger got kicked off the boat. To celebrate, everyone in The City will get naked.

Cloud Sandy: If the election picture wasn’t muddy enough, an Atlas-sized cloud has effected a merger with a descending cold front, threatening to soak the entire east coast. Both candidates have canceled appearances in the predicted disaster zone. Romney, not wanting to mess up his hair, has moved westward to sunnier prospects. Obama will be on the front lines, directing relief efforts and trying to look presidential after blowing it in Libya. No one knows how the Big Storm will affect turnout, but expect dangling chads to be replaced with armies of election workers armed with hairdryers and wads of soggy ballots. If things get too dicey, Obama can call in the Marines, who should be ready for anything after training all week for the Rombie Apocalypse.

Who’s on First?: In Brazil, a twenty-year old woman has successfully auctioned her virginity online for $700,000+, which could usher in a new era of prosperity for the world’s oldest profession. Most prostitutes endure years of employment, just to feed the kids and keep the pimp off their backside. The new paradigm will allow them to work once and retire. Maybe that’s what that woman in Afghanistan was thinking when she beheaded her daughter for refusing to sell herself. Money does strange things to people, especially when sex is involved.

The Rest of the West: As if to protest all the attention being given to the east coast, the Pacific Rim let loose with a massive earthquake. Fortunately, it missed the U.S. and only shook up some bears and beavers in British Columbia. A rather wimpy tsunami evoked a hang-loose-ho-hum in Hawaii. But in California, golfers were shocked when a spotted shark fell from the sky. Some felt it was a harbinger of a biblical holocaust, others blamed it on climate change. Animal control officers managed to wrestle it back to the ocean before PETA could file a lawsuit. We have enough sharks here, thank you.

Spoiler: If you haven’t seen the movie, read no further. The part of Barack Obama was played by Halle Berry. Mitt Romney was portrayed by Hugh Grant. And Tom Hanks, as the Beaver.

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10 Responses to The Monday Muse

  1. Sandy could be a bigger problem for Obama than Libya. If a mayor can get voted out of office for not being ready for a snow storm, you can bet Obama will be in trouble if FEMA screws up its response.

    Whatever happens, you can bet Fox News will find fault with the administration. And if Obama calls out the troops, the right wing blogosphere will go ballistic.

  2. Tom Odachi says:

    That Brazilian virginity story is too crazy! It really makes you wonder who is more twisted — the seller or the buyer of said virginity.

    On another subject: has anybody else wondered why there is no outrage over the three local Gold Country Lenders defendants getting their defense paid for by us? Not too long ago, I recall volumes being written about how the county was such a loser because we coughed up the defense costs for the AtPac case.

    p.s. What’s a Gi?

    • rl crabb says:

      “Life of Gi” is a bad pun on a movie coming out soon…

      • Tom Odachi says:

        Thanks R.L! I now have it on my list.
        I’m still “musing” on the curious lack of local commentary regarding deception, major crime, untold suffering, and dire financial consequences to all of us. Here are the highlights:

        “As you have read or heard about in the media, there is a major real estate fraud case being prosecuted in Nevada County Superior Court by the State Attorney General. This case involves the alleged fraudulent real estate transactions by four individuals involving numerous victims and millions of dollars of real estate”.
        “Three of the four individuals charged have ironically declared themselves indigent and deserving of Public Defender services… As you know, the Public Defender’s Office and other Indigent Defense costs are entirely funded out of the County’s general fund.”
        “The projected cost to the County to litigate a case such as this would be equivalent to putting six deputies on the street, hiring eight child protective social workers, or ten road maintenance workers.”
        ~Rick Haffey, County of Nevada CEO
        from the Friday Memo
        posted on

  3. Barry Pruett says:

    This guys sense of humor is not too different than yours – Crabbman. In fact, I thought of you.

  4. Bjorn V says:

    Wow! It took an epic superstorm to drown out the insipid blatherings of both candidates.

    Congratulations to the Giants! Boo to the fans who behaved like mindless barbarians (or European soccer fans (same, same, right?) and torched everything in sight. Now THAT’S sports for you!

    And speaking of earthquakes, let’s not forget the one that struck New England on the 17th of this month. When there’s one in Texas or Oklahoma, then we’ll know Mother Nature doesn’t exempt anyone from her whims. Between the storms and the earthquakes, the wars and rumors of wars, and the incidents of brother against brother, could this be Biblical prophecy coming to fruition? Should we be watching the skies for a really pissed off dude in a blinding white robe riding down in a cloud? Maybe we should all be maxing out our credit cards and having one hell of a time? If the end of the world is imminent, at least it won’t make any difference who is elected. Hooray!

  5. Robert Lovejoy says:

    Interesting week. The difference between a Dodger Dog and a Giants Dog became apparent. You can still get a Giants Dog in October.
    Sandy Storm. I hate sand storms. Darn sand gets everywhere.
    The movie Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is to be released soon.

  6. Todd Juvinall says:

    I saw Abe in the theater. Actually I liked it. He was wiping out the liberals of his day. Those bloodsuckers. LOL!

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