St. Bob of Boston Ravine

Saint Bob632All in all, 2014 has been a good year for me. I received two awards for editorial cartooning, was recognized by my peers for promoting my Cornish heritage, and I published a 192 page book that I started twenty-odd years ago.

I attribute some of my success to longevity. Just surviving the slings and arrows of life’s misfortunes is quite an accomplishment. So many of my talented friends cashed their chips too early to make much of an impression on the world. I’m still amazed that I’ve somehow managed to stay alive this long, given the abuse I’ve subjected my mind and body to in sixty-four years.

In some people’s eyes, that makes me a wise village elder, while in others I’m just another Good Ol’ Boy who’s past his prime and should just shut his yap and shuffle off to the Soylent Greens Retirement Village.

And some folks think I have already left this earthly existence. Just recently, I was made aware of the following passage on an internet site called “Nevada County Scooper”….

Patron Saint: The late R.L.(Bob) Crabb, RIP, a genius among all the grumpy old men. We miss him dearly.

As if I didn’t have enough responsibility, now I have to act like a saint. I decided that I should bone up on sainthood, so I started off with Saint Genesius, patron saint of actors, clowns, comedians, and stenographers (?) among other dubious professions. Genesius  himself was an actor who liked to ridicule Christianity. While performing for the Roman emperor Diocletian, he acted out a fake baptism, which backfired on him when an angel appeared (presumably, only to him) and convinced him to convert. Diocletian was not amused, and sent him off to the torture chambers where he was eventually beheaded.

And unfortunately, losing one’s head seems to be a common fate for saintliness, along with burning at the stake, hot pokers in the eyes, being eaten alive by wild animals, and other bodily violations. When Saint Pete remarked that he didn’t deserve to be crucified like Jesus, the Romans accommodated his wishes by nailing him upside down. Those Romans had a wicked sense of humor.

I’ve already got a good head start on martyrdom. My decidedly unorthodox political beliefs put me at odds with both progressives and conservatives. One of these days, I’ll no doubt enrage one or both of them to the point of violence, or banishment to a cave on an island where I can spend the rest of my life working on a sequel to the Book of Revelations.

In the meantime, I’ll just continue doing what I’ve always been doing; writing and illustrating blasphemy for the enjoyment of the masses. Don’t expect any miracles or healings or world peace. Hell, I can’t even pick any good lottery numbers.


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10 Responses to St. Bob of Boston Ravine

  1. Chris Peterson says:

    “unorthodox political beliefs”

    Ain’t that the truth. I’ve seen you argue both sides and neither at the same time. Most entertaining, to say the least; and most of the time, very agreeable.
    And longevity used to be half the battle for wisdom, but you don’t see much evidence of that anymore. For most it seems to be “pick a jersey” and run with it, in today’s “you’re with us or agin’ us” mentality. Truth used to reside somewhere in the middle, but that real estate seems to be a void these days, with truth fractured into tiny pieces and scattered across the spectrum, used like clothes pins to hold bags of political and religious idiocy together.
    Any chance of getting a St. Bob medallion to wear around my neck? And what would be the principle focus of it’s influence?
    Ah well.

  2. Brad Croul says:

    You may think you are a relic, but you’re not a holy relic yet.
    I think Bill Mahar takes the St. Genesius trophy for ridiculing religions.

  3. Don Baumgart says:

    Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?

  4. Sainthood? That’s pretty good for somebody who was dismissed as a mere cartoonist by Jim Firth in today’s edition of The Union. I don’t know Firth, but it’s clear that he’s tone deaf and lacks a humor gene in his reply to the publisher’s gentle poke at the term “good old boy.” Heck, even Pelline got the original intent of the column.

    But reading comprehension seems to be a problem around here. I see that Steve Frisch, the head of the alleged Sierra Business Council, is criticizing my supposed views on judicial activism after reading my most recent column in The Union.

    What would prompt that? Oh, right, I made an 11-word reference to the subject in an 800-word column on elected officials who ignore the will of the people. Either Frisch is too dumb to comprehend what I wrote, or he’s intellectually dishonest.

    But enough of this. I’m on vacation for a couple of weeks, but I’m fairly confident that neither the hard-right wingers nor the liberal wackos will seize control of the county while I’m gone.

    • rlcrabb says:

      Now Scoopy is fretting over the proposed entertainment/conference complex in Penn Valley. Why? Because CONSERVATIVES have something to do with it! Will it become a temple for the Ku Klux Klan?!! Is it a dog whistle for Archie’s “bunker”??!! His blog actively promotes Penn Valley as “Pentucky.” For someone who claims to be “in the middle,” he certainly doesn’t have much tolerance for his neighbors.

  5. Chris Peterson says:

    They’ve been massing at the left and right borders, respectively, and are awaiting the command of their leaders, (who are off getting drunk together).

  6. Terry Pittsford says:

    “I’m still amazed that I’ve somehow managed to stay alive this long…” You’re amazed, we’re amused but that’s what you were going for, wasn’t it Crabby?

  7. rlcrabb says:

    Good news, bad news…Good news: I’m apparently still alive. Bad news: My sainthood may be revoked. I’m callin’ my lawyer!

    • Chris Peterson says:

      God: “Return the souls you got by mistake, or I’ll sue you.”

      Satan: “Good luck finding a lawyer up there.”

  8. Tom Odachi says:

    I saw that earlier! Hilarious!

    That’s some funny stuff over there!
    BTW, it was nice to finally meet you in person at McGee’s!

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