The Portraits of Dorian Crabb

Scoopy is complaining that I ridicule his physical appearance. (In this case, not a picture, but referring to him as Big Bubba.) Then, for good measure, he states that he could make light of my physical shortcomings, but he would never stoop to such a low blow. Well, Bubba, let me do it for you. Here are a few renditions of me by some of my peers in the cartooning biz. I wouldn’t call any of them flattering, but they all portray me with a thicker hide than crybaby Jeff…

Crabb by Lloyd Full View563This one was done by Lloyd Dangle, who authored the popular Troubletown in alternative newspapers from coast to coast until his retirement a few years ago. He did this at the San Diego Comic Con, where we shared a table. The sausage reference refers to my marketing ploy, a free can of Vienna Sausage with every $100 purchase. I ate a lot of sausage at that show…



Jeff Wong Drawing416

At the left is a drawing of me by caricaturist Jeff Wong, executed in the kitchen of “the Crabpot”, an insane asylum masquerading a house full of cartoonists in Seattle, Washington sometime in 1993. I haven’t gotten any prettier since then…




Crabb by JR561This stunning portrait was scribbled by by ex-roomie, J.R. Williams. Note the weak chin, the beady eyes, the soulless stare. You wouldn’t pick up this fellow hitchhiking, I’ll wager!







This sketch was done by Peter Bagge, former editor of Weirdo and creator of the popular alternative comic book series, Hate. Pete actually points out my physical shortcomings, although I think he could have made my hunchback a little more pronounced.




There are more somewhere, but I think you get the point. Cartoonists are generally passive creatures, but once aroused or intoxicated, we are no better than rabid skunks. In any properly organized society we’d be put to sleep. Fortunately, we don’t live in such a society. We have a thing called the 1st amendment, no doubt passed while the founders were drunk and did not realize what chaos they were about to unleash upon an adolescent nation.

Scoopy should know better. After all, he’s the one that uses his little soapbox to rail against The Union year after year, still unable to come to grips with the fact that a bunch of ignorant hillbillies ousted him from the editor’s chair. How could they be so stupid? How could they not be dazzled by his “vision” of a newspaper that only presents his version of the truth, unsullied by opinions from conservatives and anyone else who questions his wisdom in all things journalistic?

And this is the guy who pleads with the paper to raise the bar. Yeah, he’s the guy who will cozy up to you at the fair and then slash you unmercifully on his blog the next morning. I’ve met rattlesnakes who are more trustworthy.


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10 Responses to The Portraits of Dorian Crabb

  1. Barry Pruett says:

    The Union did raise the bar “back on” January 17, 2009.

  2. Greg Goodknight says:

    That Jeff Wong is a true artist. Captured the inner Crabbman.

  3. Barry Pruett says:

    BTW I personally dig the last picture the most!

  4. Chris Peterson says:

    Having known you for 50+ years, I can bare witness to the fact that you have held up quite well to the forces of age and external injury. Your detractor, on the other hand, suffers an affliction that many of us know all too well; too much caloric intake and too little physical movement. You can identify the exact date and time of your affliction; he can only rail at others for daring to recognize his obvious life of sloth.

    People in glass houses might as well answer the door.

  5. Brad says:

    Funny you should mention skunks. One appeared to me in a dream state last night outside my back door. He mumbled something then waddled off – intoxicated?

  6. george rebane says:

    Great portraits Bob, thanks for sharing. Don’t mess with the Crabbman. (All said and done, I would like to see a similar exhibit on the FUE.)

    • Robert love joy says:

      I believe my computer screen is too small to fit such a large image as you propose, albeit Ben Franklin sells oversized sketch paper if The Crabbman is so inclined. A sketch along the lines of Moby Dick would capture the imagine rather nicely and the name would fit like a glove.

  7. Terry Pittsford says:

    Point and match to the Cripple with a Crayon! Of course you know it’s not PC to poke fun at the mentally deprived or physically challenged. (The challenge being to push away from the trough.)

  8. I see Mr. Bubba is now challenging his critics to “Criticize the person’s idea, not the person.” He should try practicing what he preaches when it comes to criticizing my columns in The Union.

    When he’s not dismissing me as a senile old fart who should be consigned to the trash bin, he either mischaracterizes what I write or takes material out of context to launch his criticism. So much for intellectual honesty.

    But we all know by now that there are two sets of rules in Jeffy land–those that apply to him and those that apply to the yahoos he has to endure in the Ozarks of the foothills. Take the recent dust up over “good old boys.”

    Mr. Bubba wrote on Aug. 1 that “Jim Hemig…has a tongue-in-cheek column, asking ‘Are you a good old boy?’ It stemmed from two-time Grass Valley City Council candidate Jim Firth, where he said: ‘It’s time to end the reign or the good old boy/girl network.’

    “I wouldn’t have advised Jim to make such a bold statement, at least in a Grassy Valley political campaign.”

    But then it apparently occurred to the big fella that he might be on the same side of an issue as The Union, so he executed a 180, writing Aug. 9: “Let’s be clear: Firth didn’t start the ‘old boy/girl’ debate. It was The Union’s Publisher Hemig who did that, when he wrote an earlier column, ‘Are you a good old boy?'”

    But Jeffy, didn’t you write on Aug.1 that … Never mind, you get the drift.

    Now he’s going to start emailing the publisher about the paper’s shortcomings “so it doesn’t waste so much airtime on this blog–and humiliate the paper’s management in public.”

    That ‘s what I call true arrogance. I always suspected Jeffy could strut while seated. Now I know he can.

  9. Great article Bob. My favorite drawing of you is Jeff Wongs.

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