A Warning by Henry Hackett

That’s right. It’s me, Henry Hackett. The guy in the above cartoon. I know when people ask Ol’ Inky Fingers Crabb if I’m a real person he tells them that I’m just a composite of old farts he’s known throughout his miserable life, but don’t believe it. I’m as real as anything in this world.

I usually don’t get to spout off on my own, but Crabb passed out and forgot to log out of his so-called blog. I just want to let you people know what’s really going on here. And by “here” I mean his man cave in a far corner of the Skeptic Tank Mine where he spews out his crude cartoons. It’s a mess. Spilled coffee, moldy half-eaten doughnuts, and piles of rejected cartoons. Whole forests have died so he can “do his thing”, slandering upstanding citizens like myself. It’s disgusting, really.

But I don’t have much time and I want to tell you what the evil bastard is cooking up down here. He comes off like he’s doing something special for the community with this crap. It’s all a lie. I hear him every night working on his “master plan” as he calls it. It’s nothing less than total world domination, and here’s how he thinks he’s going to pull it off…

It’s simple, on the face of it. He’s trying to come up with a cartoon so funny, in every nationality and age group, that anyone who reads it will die laughing. He’ll post it on the net and let go viral, until the virus spreads all over the planet. I’m telling you he’s worse than Hitler or even Rush Limbaugh.

Fortunately for the world, he’s not that funny. He’s been working on it for years and hasn’t even come close. All those crumpled up cartoons he uses for a bed are a testament to that. And he’s never considered that the only people who would be left in the world would be those without any sense of humor. Who would want to live in such a place?

Hey, I gotta get going. I want to be out of here before he wakes up and goes into one of his hissy fits. I just wanted you to know the score. Don’t let him snooker you. Start a petition or something before it’s too late. Good luck…

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13 Responses to A Warning by Henry Hackett

  1. Tony Waters says:

    What??? Finally something interesting on this blog, and silence from the blogosphere??? This should be a divisive issue–at least as important as liberals, global warming, and Rush Limbaugh. Will no one respond? liberals, global warming, and Rush Limbaugh get 99 comments on the blogs, but a real live Nevada County raconteur only gets crickets from the left, and from the right?

  2. Brad Croul says:

    We need to act now to prevent this madman from attaining launch capability.
    Boycott Crabb’s advertisers!

  3. Tony Waters says:

    No, I meant we should boycott Hackett!! Doesn’t he live up in Rough and Ready?? I think I saw him hanging around the blacksmith shop there last week!! Don’t buy any horseshoes from the guy, and let’s find out where he advertises (I think I saw something at the bulletin board outside the Wal-Mart up in Burger Basin–so let’s boycott Wal-Mart!).

  4. Brad Croul says:

    Boycott Somebody!

  5. rl Crabb says:

    Okay…I see what’s going on here. I’ve been unable to use the computer today, ever since I noticed some black goo oozing out of the bottom. When I asked Henry what was up, he said something about “the computer sounded like it was running a little rough so I added a quart of thirty-weight.” It’s taken me all day to clean the thing out and get back online.
    Now about this post…It’s all a load of BS. Pay no attention to the bearded man behind the curtain. These aren’t the ‘droids you’re looking for. After all, who are you going to believe? Me, or some lying figment of my imagination?

  6. TD Pittsford says:

    Oh sure Crabbyone, stir the pot of controversy then hide behind poor old Henry’s whiskers. C’mon man, we know it’s you. I mean no one has ever seen the two of you in the same place at the same time…except in these drawings, have they? Well, maybe once, but we all know how delusional I am.

  7. Tony Waters says:

    Ok, now you are going to tell me that you saw them together down at the Wal-Mart in Burger Basin. I see. But how do we really know Bob Crabb is for real? He’s probably just a figment of Henry Hackett’s imagination.

    • TD Pittsford says:

      Wow! We have a Wal-Mart in Gaudy Gulch! Quick, help me find my car keys and credit cards!

      • Tony Waters says:

        I guess you missed the grand-opening last week where no less than Jeff Foxworthy presided! I heard that Henry Hackett was there too, along with his guests Jeff Pelline and George Rebane. They were probably plotting Jeff’s campaign to be mayor of the Brunswick Basin.

  8. Brad Croul says:

    Hey RL,
    It could be a rear main seal. They are known to be leaky on that vintage but are a real pain to replace.

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