I hated my last name when I was a youngster. From the time when Sister Mary Hillary called it out on my first day of kindergarten, it has elicted snickers and finger-pointing from my fellow humans. They came up with the obvious variations “Crabtree” and “Crabapple” and in later years, comparisons to the common louse.
Now that I am in my sixties, I have embraced my monicker. What better name for an old curmudgeon with a hunched back from arthritis and years of sitting at a drawing board? I imagine that the children who walk by my house mutter to each other, “That’s old man Crabb’s house. Stay off his lawn or he’ll grab you with his claws.” Plus, it seems a fitting title for a guy who sits on his porch and grumbles about the incompetence of city workers cleaning the gutters. (Back in MY day, we did things different!)
But my name is normal compared to the plethora of preposterous personas populating politics in 2012. If I were to go back to say, 1985, and tell someone that the President of the United States’ name was Barack Obama, I would get only blank stares or the question: What is a Barack Obama? It would get even worse when I mentioned the the guys who are battling to replace him are Mitt, Newt, and a fellow whose name sounds like sanitarium. It gets more ridiculous when I point out that Sanitarium’s main backer is Foster Freeze, who thinks that birth control can be achieved by holding an aspirin between one’s legs. Then there’s the head honcho of the RNC, Reince Priebus, which is either a disease or latin for something obscene.
But my hands-down all time favorite is dentist, lawyer and birther queen Orly Taitz. Ironically, she’s made a career out of trying to convince people that Barack Obama is not a real person. I was very disappointed when Orly announced that she would not challenge Dianne Feinstein for the California US Senate seat. That would have been fun.
As a consolation, I walk around the house repeating her name as my mantra. Orly Taitz…Orly Taitz…Orly Taitz. If you say it enough times, anything becomes plausible.